Vespula Germanica
Yet another reason to vote 'no' in the forthcoming referendum! I was greatly looking forward to Simon's bountiful ride to Bourne End on 22 July - as gently undulating a riverside ride as Paul might ever wish for on a balmy summer's day. The Leader, like the customer, is of course 'always right'. I might have been able to freewheel along the banks of the River Thames, without having at any time to pedal in earnest, were it not for the malice of an EU immigrant from Germany.
Midnight on Sunday was pencilled in the diary for the extermination of a pulsating wasp nest under the front tiles of the house. As the last chime faded into the late evening air, I mounted the ladder, armed with Bendiocarb. However, the nest was still active, with highly trained and heavily armed guards patrolling the entrance. Within seconds they struck, wounding me in the foot. Outgunned, I had to retreat before I could release my weapon of mass destruction. These were no common or garden wasps.
The next day my foot looked more like the suppurating red bladder of a football and gradually got worse. I called in the SAS, who came fully armed and in full protective gear. The invaders were identified as a particularly aggressive German wasp, vespula germanica. Soon they were blasted out of existence, despite the howls of protest from the environmental lobby. As for the wound, it did not qualify for care by 'General Practice'. A kindly local pharmacist took pity and treated me with sympathy and antihistamines.
Unfortunately, pedalling more than a short distance was not an option, so Simon's gentle jaunt was sacrificed. The swollen foot might simply have exploded and given cause for reprimand as 'disgraceful ride conduct'. The wound is now healing. I do hope that the lip of my comrade in arms Tony does not follow the same course. Perhaps it was not a German wasp.
Jeff
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